Lip Service Series Two

God bless BBC3 and their right honourable thumbs up to the next series of Lip Service. The Glaswegian guilty pleasure is in production and I thought long and hard to myself "Just what could happen in series two?" and came up with these relatively facetious but highly likely possibilities:

1.) Frankie (played by the sultry eyed Ruta Gedmintas) and Cat will continue to have awkward sex lacking realistic passion but will claim to be madly in love with one another. They will also both continue sleeping with other people (Cat with Sam, Frankie with anything that moves... or doesn't move if it is a particularly attractive looking object).

2.) Tess will get newly published writer Ed to create a lesbian theatre show based on the lives of her and her friends in a blatant rip off / homage to Jenny Shecter's book cum movie Lez Girls. The two will have a massively successful opening night and will go home to get drunk and have sex, leaving Ed heart broken once again and Tess confused.

3.) Sam will cheat on Cat with Frankie after Frankie is arrested and taken into a cell. Sam will act disgusted by Frankie's rebellious, devil-may-care attitude but deep down she is a lesbian and no lesbian can say no to those big green eyes and floppy hair. Frankie will do it to spite Cat because she can't choose between the two. Drama!

4.) Sam will fall hard off her high horse and will crumble with the guilt. Perhaps an STD doing the rounds could cause a climactic moment between Cat and Sam where the two admit their guilt to each other at the same time?

Cat: I have something to tell you.

Sam: I've got something to tell you too.

Cat and Sam: I slept with Frankie. What?! You slept with Frankie!?

5.) Tess will go on Lou's morning show as a guest and the two will still have chemistry. Lou will ask Tess out on a date but will Tess be faithful to Fin? Probably not. More sex, more guilt, more drama.

6.) Frankie will continue to be an emotional whirlwind, one minute laughing and joking, the next taking offence at throwaway comments and acting like a five year old by stropping off in a mood. Her mates will continue to ignore or shrug off this behaviour rather than simply tell her not to be such a dick.

7.) Jay will be single for a while but young girls in bars will make him feel old and he will go back to that terrible actress that played his fiance in series one.

8.) The recession will hit Glasgow, leaving Tess and Frankie squatting in empty homes for weeks at a time with the unstable Sadie.

9.) Frankie will meet her Mother, but will recognise her from the Glasgay scene and will remember that they shared a drunken night of passion two years ago.

The series will end with some sort of cliffhanger. Frankie will probably run away again but while driving to the airport will end up crashing into Sam's speeding police car. Cat will be torn between whose bed to sit by. Whatever happens in the next series I know I will be watching and occasionally shouting at the television "Ha! I told you so!"

Shoot from the Lips.

And lo, bereft are we after the finale of Lip Service; a series with the worst bagpipe solo theme music in history. This series has allowed us to voyeuristically peek into the lives of a group of lesbians living in Glasgay as they love, fuck, argue, make up and break up... much like The L word before it.

It is a classic guilty pleasure. Frankie / Elanor / Shane from the L word played by Ruta Gedmintas only has to bat her predatory eyelashes to seemingly straight women and they're whipping their knickers off for her; completely forgetting they are attracted to men and have never behaved in such a sluttish way at the office / in a morgue / on the street before.

Shockingly Frankie is a photographer. A cliche lesbian job that allows her to photograph attractive women who suddenly pounce on her at any given chance. So strong is her sapphic, mesmerising charisma that I'm surprised she ever leaves the house through fear of a stampede of women racing down the streets after her. When Frankie isn't sleeping with whatever randomer is in her radius she is hanging out with her friends in various cafes and bars in Glasgow or harassing her ex girlfriend Cat.

Cat is an architect who needs to create a blueprint to to construct volume in her incredibly flat hair. In fact this show is shamelessly stereotypical in having lesbians with slick hair and butch jobs. There's Cat the Flat, Sam the police officer and the un-memorably named electrician... who my girlfriend claims has "rapists hair". The only women with any volume are the ditzy yet loveable Tess and her TV presenting bi-sexual, short lived lover Lou.

While this group of women were suspicious of one another, cheating on one another and getting their hearts ripped out by one another there was also the bewildering side story of Frankie's past. Apparently her Uncle's her Dad and her Mum was involved in a stabbing or glassing which got her covered in blood and then some other family members died including the original Frankie who was taken over by Elanor who was given the name Frankie. Confused? So is everyone else! Not only is it confusing but also a big waste of time, giving nothing to the TV series.

Another element of confusion was how Frankie and Cat ever got together in the first place. I know they met at school and were best mates but they're just so incredibly different it makes you wonder what they ever had in common. In the final episode Cat and Frankie finally get it on (didn't see that coming from 100 miles away) and the series ends with Cat torn between her best friend and the new woman in her life. Cat is definitely more suited to dull, reliable Sam but I must admit given the choice between the two I would pick the sultry, floppy fringed Frankie any day. 

Lip Service is undoubtably filled with faults. It is brimming with predictability, cliche's and unrealistic storylines. It also tries too hard to be gritty and cool for the masses with it's drug story lines and explicit sex scenes but all the same it is one of the few TV series made for lesbian women and it is no worse than the mighty L Word before it. Roll on series 2!