Sunday 26 December 2010

Must Be the Season of the Bitch.

Christmas day on the box and the soaps are all for the festive feeling of loving and giving. First was Coronation Street with the return of Satan's sister Tracy Barlow, a woman so foul and shameless she could make the most cynical and jaded of soap watchers suck in their teeth and shake their head in disgust. In an hour long Christmas special we watched as Tracy stole the show: bullying her neighbours, throwing juice over her daughter, fighting with "Beckeh" and blackmailing Steve into giving their daughter to her permanently.


It was almost as shocking to see no change in Ken and Deirdre's scolding of their daughter. She teases grieving widow "Clur" about "what's his face" Ashley and makes a tasteless joke about a tram, only for her mother to tut and say "Oh, Tracey!" She winds up Gail, a woman she tried to frame for murder, and when Gail complains about this it is Deirdre that snaps "Do shut up Gail! Not everything is about you!" Yes, Gail is self absorbed and annoying. Yes, she has had bad luck with husbands and boyfriends which have given her a lot of attention in the street... but surely complaining about Tracey's lack of shame for her crimes is a just reason for complaint? It's hardly like kid's in a playground griping about a Chinese burn is it?


Although Tracey, with that trademark crocodile smile, is a horrid character I'm sure Katherine Kelly (who plays Becky McDonald) is thrilled at her return; their sniping at each other and fighting makes great comedic viewing. 


On BBC1 we had the original soap bitch Janine Butcher pulling all the stops out to salvage her twisted relationship with Ryan. Yesterday she had crowed about the revelation of Stacey killing Archie to a packed pub and had hoped that would be enough to get Stacey out of hers and Ryan's life forever. Not so. Like the little boy that cried wolf, tried to kill his boyfriend, prostituted himself and stole from and lied to everyone around him, Janine learnt the hard reality: people do not believe a word that comes out of her manipulative, lying mouth. It was then that she decided to take more drastic measures to get what she wanted.

With Ryan and Max both racing about like headless chickens out of love for sexy strumpet Stacey it was the perfect opportunity for Janine to get Stacey alone. In an intense stand off that had me snapping at the TV "For God's sake why would you have that horrible cow in your house? I'd grab her by the hair and I'd say 'fuck - OFF Janine!' and then I would kick her out of my house. That's what I would do. None of this listening to her. It's stupid." Janine tried to cajole the truth out of Stacey who was faltering and breaking down by the minute. When manipulation and bullying didn't work Janine grabbed a knife, placed it in Stacey's hands and stabbed herself. It was outrageous. What happened to the good old days of waking up, opening presents, having a nice roast and drinking and being merry? 


In shock Stacey walked out of the house with blood on her hands and climbed up on to the roof of the Queen Vic. While Max tried to talk her down, Stacey's Mum Jean returned to the house with Lily to find Janine stabbed in the kitchen. Gillian Wright played Jean to perfection as the betrayed mother, confused and heart broken by her daughter's behaviour in scenes between Stacey and Jean that were truly touching. Jean finally relented and believed her daughter's innocence, telling her daughter to go before the police arrive.


The relationship between Max and Stacey reached it's final destination at London City Airport. "I love you Stace." said Max, probably saying it to a woman and genuinely meaning it for the first time in his womanising life. "But you are my dearest friend." replied Stacey. Ouch. "And I love my silly Bradley. I do. I love him." Aww! Max returned alone to the square and smiled up at a plane that Stacey was on with Lily. It was a great final episode for Lacey Turner and showed the love the Eastenders writers have for the great character that is Stacey Slater. 

For family humour Coronation Street won the Christmas soap battles but for typical bleak drama that had you on the edge of your seat Eastenders won by miles.

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